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sophmore slump

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(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2009|09:03 pm]
[Current Music |saosin]

everythings a lot different now but im stuck in the same place as always. im so bored with all of this. im tired of being no ones number one, and having no one to be my most important.
i cant wait to leave here
i hate everything
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2009|09:29 pm]
[Current Music |halo beyonce]

I don't know how much longer i'll be able to put up with this. I guess its a really good thing im graduating in June, and an even better thing ill be moving away in August.
It just really, really sucks that I dont have any friends on my birthday. I'll be 18 years old in two days, and the three people ive spent all of my time with for over a year now havent even looked at me for a week.
I wont do this again. I wont let myself get attached to these people ill get to know when school starts over in a new place. I wont grow dependent on them. i wont love them the same way i did here, because it doesnt get returned and its not fair.

im sorry. for what i did and for not telling you.
i just want things back to normal, but i know that even if you forgive me that wont happen.


i gotta get my shit together before i get seriously hurt
or worse, before everyone notices
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2008|10:57 pm]
[Current Music |true affection - the blow]

loves it
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(no subject) [Dec. 18th, 2008|07:20 pm]
[Current Mood |goodgood]
[Current Music |heartless - kanye]


Everything that occurs in your life is there because of a choice you made. choices you have made, are currnety making, and will make in the future are factors in the fate you will once endure. Right now, I'm choosing to be happy.

The blood in my veins keeping my heart beating has been replaced with hope. The polution in my brain cells is slowly dissapearing so I can see and hear the thoughts of my future more clearly. And the selfishness that once controlled every action I forced the important to endure is becoming love for all that need it.
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(no subject) [Dec. 7th, 2008|01:43 pm]
Status: I'm down to one friend. One.
But, "you wonder why everyones pissed at you. its because youre a fuck up" right?
thats the sweetest thing a "friend" has ever said to me
i love having a great life
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(no subject) [Nov. 23rd, 2008|10:11 pm]
[Current Mood |curiouscurious]
[Current Music |satellite - guster]

I'm trying really hard. At being a forgiving person. A truthful friend. An honest daughter. A healthy teenager. Just trying to be able to see straight right now. All of it is so hard, especially taking it all on at once. I've been putting things that don't matter before taking care of myself and my body and my mental health. The things I do damage me physically and psychologically. Maybe thats just because this isn't who I am. This is not me at all and I can't handle it all. Not at this rate anyway. Each year I do something new. Freshman year was the least damaging. Sophmore year got slightly worse. Junior year was something that isn't as much damaging as it is a bridge to more damaging things. And this year so far is just out of hand.
I hate when someone/people you really care for, maybe even look up to in  way, do something that they might not even think twice about, you know you'll never forget it. Maybe not the specific words or actions, but the feeling you had when it all took place. The worst part of it all is the way you view them a little differently. And that'll never change. I still really love them though. I'm the kind of person that doesn't expect people to find me important, so even when someone tells you they care, I always question it. Thats hard to deal with I guess.
"Just to put your mind at ease, you don't owe me anything. You've paid me well in memories."
Is it weird that I hate telling lies, but I don't always mind hearing them?

I want something substantial. I want something reliable. I want something redudant even. I don't give a fuck, as long as theyre there.

They say scent is the longest sense tied to memory, right? Well, I think "they" are wrong. I think the longest sense tied to memory is feeling. Not like touching something, or being touched, I think its the feeling in your gut or your heart or wherever internally. Like, I'll never forget the way I felt when I heard a certain song almost four years ago now, or the way I feel when someone tells me I love you and it's unexpected but deffenitley wanted. I could probably force myself into feeling the certain kind of afraid I am when I'm on my way home and I know when I arrive I'm going to be punished because a report card came in, or they found something they didn't want to find, or if I'm drunk and they'll be able to tell. I can feel it right now if I think about it.

Is that kind of feeling even a sense? I think I just wasted time with that because I'm pretty sure it's not even a sense.


I think that's the prettiest picture in the entire world.

I have so many goals, but I never even set them. does that make sense? because I get it.

My unltimite goal will always be to be happy. Really, truely. Happy.



I want people to know how easily they touch my life but I can't tell them. I don't say those things outloud. Not sober anyway. And hardly ever with the alternative to sober. But the truth is it wouldn't really affect them. It probably doesn't matter to anyone but myself. that sounds like Im taking pity on myself but that's really not the way I meant it.
I just want to be important to someone thats important to me. I really just want to leave an impression on someone.

- Francine
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(no subject) [Oct. 8th, 2008|03:31 pm]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]
[Current Music |modern love - bloc party]

life is good
still bored
but life is good
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(no subject) [Sep. 26th, 2008|04:17 pm]
[Current Music |think of you - a fine frenzy]

you're right. i dont have any reason to be upset. theres nothing wrong with my life. but its not about that.
i try too hard and too often and im done.















... stop reading this Jacque.. ahha
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just storing thisssss [Sep. 17th, 2008|04:36 pm]
[Current Music |memory]


Francine Hoke Cassidy 2

9/15/08

Mrs. Cassidy

Looking To The Future

How to Become a College Student

 

 

Every September many high school seniors all over the country find themselves scrambling to plan their lives. These teenagers feel pressured to do the things they may or may not have even though about yet. They begin to realize how many steps go into even choosing colleges you would like to attend, than comes finding the time to visit and tour these colleges, filling out application after application, and holding your breath the whole few months that you wait around anxiously for that letter in the mail hopefully starting with the words, “We are pleased to inform you…”

In some of these cases, students do not know where to start. Even after asking a teacher or a parent or any college graduate it is easy to be confused. There are so many options when choosing post-secondary schools. The opportune time to start the long process of moving on from high school to college is the junior year of a high school career, but that definitely does not mean it is too late for someone past that point.

The first step sort of began the moment of entering senior high. Achieving good grades opens the door to so many more options as far as colleges that will accept you. Universities want students that they believe will go far even after they have their degree. Also, the more activities you participate in drastically improves the attractiveness of having you on campus.

Next, taking the SATs or ACTs are important. Many people do better with standardized testing than they do in a classroom. For these people, SATs and ACTs can help show your mental capability and how much knowledge you actually have, and many schools require taking one or the other. Take the SATs over and over if necessary. Colleges will only look at the highest test score achieved.

All these tips may help with becoming prepared for filling out applications, but what about the actual picking of schools? Well, there are quite a few factors to consider while researching possible choices. Do you want to live close to home or move away? Live on campus or commute? How much money are you willing to pay for tuition? What is important to you? Some schools have Greek affiliation and others do not. Some have thousands and thousands of new students each year, other small schools accept a few hundred. How do you best learn? These are all very important to think about while making a decision of which colleges to apply to. But don’t be afraid to apply to many universities. It’s always good to have a few acceptances to fall back on if your first choice didn’t come through.

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(no subject) [Sep. 14th, 2008|05:27 pm]
[Current Music |all falls down - onerepublic]

im not sure how much as really changed over the while ive been writing here. im not sure how much really matters. but im sure of how much i care. im missing something. i wonder if ill always feel that way. i guess its possible. ive heard of people like that, that are never completely satisfied or happy for too long. always wanting something greater. or i wonder if im actually right this time, about not having a best friend or someone that cares enough to see this shit. im practically screaming here. how more public can i be with the personality i have. i dont cry in front of people, i lie about everything i feel, and i hide more shit than most people, but here i am confessing to needing someone in a public place, on the fucking internet on an online journal. im pretty sure ive given people reason to care, and im pretty sure no ones taken up the offer or the challenge. its weird because im the complete opposite. i feel like with how much i try to help everyone, i deserve just one person to be that for me.
even though im so unsure of everything, and i have so many toss ups and unanswered questions and shit, i think ive learned a little about myself. ive learned im really not self suficient, and i do need people. i need someone. one person would be fine. i have plenty of friends, but i cant take knowing that chances are none of them are real, and no one cares enough to prove otherwise. ive learned how great of a heart i have, even though i have a hard time with showing i care sometimes, i always do. i love so much more than i hate. but i still fuck up. im hoping its because im a kid and ill grow out of all this. and i guess until than, thats what ill have to do. hope i can grow out of it, because no ones helping me with anything as of now.
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