frannscene

frannscene - </3

sophmore slump

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</3

[Nov. 24th, 2006|03:00 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	terrible.	]
[	Current Music	\|	in the middle by mat kearney	]

I meant it all and every part
and every word right from the start
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle

‘cause you know you broke the hardest part
you know you broke the hardest heart
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle
through it all

no parachutes or safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
coming out strong like i can’t be wrong
i said eh, i wont fall in the middle

Everytime I hear that song it gets me. There's something so truthful; open about it. It's like it's out there, willing to be hurt. Expecting it even. There's something so beautiful about those words. It reminds me of how i once felt, and somehow with those few words, it makes me feel that way again. I feel the knot in my stomach coming through my throat. My eyes start whelling up with water and my head feels pressure. And with this four minute serenade, all the progress I made washes away. It's like building a sandcastle too close to the ocean. You know by constructing too near the waves, you risk getting it gentley taken away from you, but you start building anyway. But on the night of a storm, you have to start all over. So that's what I'm doing. Starting over.

One year ago today. One year. One whole, long, stressful, wonderful, painful year. One year ago today, was the best day of my life. It's the day my life changed forever, and i had no idea at the time. I was nieve. I was younger in mind spirit and age. I was fourteen and didn't know what i was getting myself into. Now I know. Now i know. Now i know all the mistakes i made. I know not to make them again, but I probably will. There were many mistakes in the journey i began with a boy. But two major. Made by myself and myself only. I hurt someone and I hurt myself. The two people i never imagined hurting as much I did. I was fourteen, and I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I knew better than to end love. A love with someone I truely loved. A love that I will never have back.

One year ago today. One year. One whole year. And i just threw away a years worth of progress by typing these words and letting myself know my deepest secret; that I will never be completely heeled. No matter what I say. No matter what I tell myself. Because sometimes, you can tell yourself a lie so many times you start to believe it. But in the end, it's still just a lie, and your still just a screwed up girl that will never have back what you let slip out from underneath you.

- Francine.

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